Unlocked! We Took a Turn

Sweet Metamour… please skip this.  *smootch*

I am thrilled at a recent wonderful evening.  I’m thrilled because it was.. well.. really sexy and fun. I’m thrilled because I planned a scene and then went with the flow and ended up having an amazing time.  And I’m thrilled because it turns out…. I really like dominating.  

Oh there!  I knew I was a little teeny bit switchy when it came to kink.  I am sexually aggressive and good at taking charge, and I like it, but I hadn’t played much at dominating.  I’ve done oodles of sensation play and played with impact and such with Traveler, but I’ve never been really too dominant with him or any man really.  I’ve taken my pleasure, but this was the first time I dominated a man and the first time I dominated two people at once.  In kinky domination play, for the most part, I am really drawn to being submissive.  I like to please my partners more than just about anything sexually.  I love to feel wanted, sexy, and fulfilling.  I want you to smack my ass and pull my hair because it turns you on to do so.  Most of my fantasies are about ME being the slut, me being the one to submit.  I want to be used sometimes.  I like to feel slutty.  I like a little pain.  Mostly I like passion.

So this is a little new.

This is a lovely lovely turn.

Yarn Hooker

Traveler and I met up again with the sexy and smart girl we’d met once for drinks, and this one.. this one contains sexy times.

We sent a follow-up email earlier that we’d loved meeting her and we’d like to ply her with some ping pong and take her home to play.  And she answered that she’d really like that too.

So we met for drinks, laughed a lot over ping pong, and took a trip back to his place.

When she sent the message that she was interested I’d nearly fallen over in glee.  Holy crap.  This girl is AWESOME.  Thank you Universe!  Thank  you Stars!  Oh holy dear world, yes.

So we met and it was fun and fairly easy.  There were awkward bits because it IS awkward to date as three people.  There was a little awkwardness trying to break the physical barrier to get to touch her.  But I did as I do and finally just said “Can I kiss you?”.  I like to do the direct awkward thing sometimes and hope it comes off as charming.

Sexy Times Are Lovely Learning Experiences

It’s been mostly real and hard to talk about lately.. good stuff.. just deeper and harder to say, closer to the chest. And then there is sexy adventure.  😉 Traveler and I took a vacation to Idaho for skiing and had a wonderful time. It was so bonding and so wonderful.  All the good talks and all the good meals and all the fun was had.  It was nice just to be together, marveling at the joy of just having time.  And we met our lovely smart funny sexy blogger friend.  The conversation was one of those great ones that is all over and we soon talked like old friends, excitedly sharing info and relating.  It was one of those conversations were I learned a lot of Traveler’s thoughts too on things.  And she was so very sexy, mesmerizing with her beautiful mind and sexy hourglass curves and the enticing slant of her smile. I worry a little that I pushed things maybe further than they were naturally though.  It seemed like flirting and fun were welcome and the kisses fiery and sweet and everyone consented to and seemed to enjoy everything.  Late into the night we found ourselves naked and playing, Traveler and my friend and me. and it was all good, wonderful even, beyond the orgasms and the excitement, but I worried maybe I pushed things.  I would have been happy to just have those kisses, and it was hot, all of it, the kisses and play and all the sexy times that came after, but it’s just something I’ll think of in future situations, to not push so much because I’d rather be left with no doubt and be sure that nobody ever feels pushed and that no hesitancy, however minor, is ignored.  Everyone seemed to have fun and in the morning we all checked in and were good.  In no way was the evening or all that happened a bad thing.  I just want to be sure I always learn what I can. I love what threesomes teach me about myself, about someone new, and about my partner.  I’m still processing good things.

A redheaded woman reclines in the water, from pinterest.com

Same Love- Loving Girls

I went to see Macklemore last night and had this kind of spiritual gratitude experience.  I never thought it would happen in my lifetime, but I stood in an arena bursting at the seams with people singing along to a song about about gay rights and acceptance.

Mary Lambert- Singer featured in “Same Love”

This song made the cry the first time I heard it.  Actually I cried the first 6 or 7 times I heard it.  I remember being a 16 year old girl, in my Cleveland, Ohio high school and wondering what the hell it meant that I loved my best friend Kristen.  We’d had a threesome with a guy we both knew, and to her it was a fun sexual experiment, and to me it was finally acknowledging what I’d known since I first kissed Melissa at age 12.  Melissa and I told ourselves we were “practicing for when we had boyfriends”.  I’m not totally sure what we thought our boyfriends would be like that we had to practice eating pussy.  😉

I liked girls.  I liked them in a way that other girls didn’t like girls.

Confused? Yeah. I get that.

I was talking to Peaches about casual sex relationships, and she said she doesn’t like “feeling like the temp that never gets hired”.  Isn’t that a great metaphor?  It’s fun to have casual fun but a real bummer when all you meet is casual when you crave a little more.  I had to get her permission to use the quote.  It’s a good one, no?

Bosch- Garden of Earthly Delights

To be fair, neither one of us is remotely in that situation for real, but it does suck to feel that way and I know what she means.  We’re both in loving relationships with Traveler (and me with Cleveland) and she’s had her share of interest and just a couple of males who didn’t have the right interest for what she was seeking at the time.

I tried to explain how I want a very specific kind of casual when I want casual. 

That was a Whole Lotta Fun

I made out with three hot women last night. I even got some boob action. I told them I was going to blog that. It was pretty innocent fun, but it was fun. Peaches and I planned to meet up with Traveler’s Wife for a catch up and gal pow-wow. Sadly she’s been working and is busy as hell, so she said maybe another night. For this next part to make sense I have to introduce new characters. There is TexDom, a guy I met on OKC a long time ago and have since befriended. There is his gal, who has become a friend and who I will now refer to as….Fishnet. And there was their girl pal from Canada who I will call Liberty.

So, I, Peaches, TexDom, Fishnet and Liberty met up in my neighborhood and had some drinks and snacks. We had a lot of drinks. I am still of course a light-weight. I had a Manhattan and half of a 7 and 7. I had maybe a quarter of a Black Mamba, and half of another 7 and 7, and a half of a Sapphire and Sprite..or some kind of clear soda. I also had lots of sips of everyone else’s everything. I was definitely feeling it. I was being smart and nobody was driving and I ate, and nobody got sick or drank to any ill effect, but yes, we were feeling it.

At some point Peaches and I made out to be funny and send pics to Traveler, who was at a music festival out of state, and that kinda kicked off a thing. Then Liberty and Fishnet were making out. Liberty and TexDom were cuddling. It was all innocent fun I think, but it was really fun. When we left we stopped at a cash machine and there I kissed Liberty a couple of times and Fishnet and I kissed too. I was pretty stoked about this development and joked about it most of the way home. “Three hot girls kissed me!”, I sang. In any normal world sans liquor I don’t think either Fishnet or Liberty would have kissed me, because they are beautiful and sexy young women, and Peaches is straight, but I certainly didn’t mind benefiting from some tipsy lip-locking.

I don’t have too much ill-effect today either except maybe a little body ache and some fatigue. I’m certainly not drinking to excess again any time soon, and I’m a little embarrassed at what was an immature and silly way to have acted, but you know… it was fun. I’m sure I did seem kinda goofy, but I’m not sure I’m too worried about it. I’m okay with every now and then having some ridiculous fun with my friends. It’s just another part of my fun little friend-ai-ssance. Long live sexy girl kisses among friends.

Adjustment

I’ll admit it.  I miss  HER.  We weren’t dating, but she was one of my most satisfying relationships.   Maybe 50 times this weekend I thought.. OH!  I have to tell her!!! 

I haven’t worn a dress in years and did so mostly because she encouraged me and Cleveland was actually right about the tights.  I liked wearing a dress Friday and was really glad I did.  There were members of the head office and a Senate office there and I had to give out two formal awards and talk in work groups. She would have gotten a kick out of that.  I was so stressed leading up to all of this.

And when I went to get ready to go to the club on Saturday I decided I didn’t want to wear any of my clothes and went shopping at the rack.  I bought a dress and tights.  A FREAKING DRESS.  I wore it that night.  I hadn’t worn a dress since 2002 and I wore two in two days.

I found another good cocktail.

I wanted to hear how her talk went with her friends.

I flogged a man with some other people Saturday and learned a little bit about flogging in the process.  Then I got flogged.  I needed to be excited and I was a little nervous beforehand.  When I told my club friend, she grabbed me and made out with me for about 5 minutes.  We both got a little excited.  We realized we’d “wasted” it though because the person flogging wasn’t ready and we made out again a short while later. My club friend previously told me she was only bi from the waist up, but she made a point to tell me after making out with me that she had resolved that and was now bi all over, and kissed me again. I would have loved talking to her about it. It’s fun to tell her that stuff. She’s so funny and it makes me laugh so hard.

On Sunday Cleveland and I had a lovely date and he said some things I felt so deeply reassured by.  I would have liked sharing that joy. She loves Cleveland and likes Cleveland stories. 

It sucks how fragile really precious things are sometimes and how quickly strong goes to gone. I get it, but I’m just saying I miss her.

Bah Humbug! Slut shaming

I am just not feeling all this holiday-ness.  Bah humbug.  I wanna write about something else.  Ah.. Slut Shaming.

Great Date and I had a rambling all-over-the-place conversation last night and ended up talking about our “numbers”.  I think at some point we already disclosed our numbers and Great Date DOES NOT CARE about my number.  That’s nice and far too unusual.

No I have not been with 492 people.  Jeez.  It’s a little high (compared to what?).  Fuck it.. it’s

Cherry Popping

Okay.  It’s the cherry popping.  The first blog, the blank page.. ahh the possibilities.  I love possibilities.  Isn’t that a big part of why I identify as polyamorous?

First, I guess I should say what the “rebel yell” of polyamory is to me.  If you want to know what others think it is or find some cool definitions, there’s lots of sources for great info.  I am partial to polyamory.com, which has wonderful message boards and a great little online community.  Just FYI.

To me, to lowly ol’ unofficial me though, polyamory is ethical non-monogamy, or dating/sleeping-with/loving/connecting/partnering/etc with more than one person with the full knowledge and consent of all parties.  It is NOT cheating.  It is NOT random hookups and is different from swinging.  Bear in mind this is all MY opinion.

I know that swingers sometimes have deep and meaningful connections to their partners and sometimes poly people have little connection with a partner other than sex.  Not everyone is PURE poly or PURE swinger.  I am just saying that to me, polyamory is about relationships with more than one person and about ethical non-monogamy.  People can call themselves whatever the hell they choose as far as I’m concerned. I don’t feel the need to define your relationships.

My husband and I are committed to and deeply in love with each other.  We have a great relationship, a great sex life, and have been together 12 years.  Seriously.. he’s the cat’s pajamas.  We played with the idea of swinging for a while, as a way to have some sexual variety and fun, but we just never took the plunge.  The tiny bit of research we did just didn’t pan out and we found the people we were meeting to be kind of … oh.. I’ll just say it, gross.  I’m not saying they weren’t attractive or that I am a fashion plate myself.  I’m just saying that I found the attitude of things to be sort of icky.  I liked casual sex back in the day.  I really did.  I spent my years sowing my wild oats and had a grand ol’ time.  My hubby is more of a “love guy”, but I was good at separating sex and love and caring and such.  It was fun.  But eventually, and this is just for me, I found that I wanted more.  I wanted to have sex with people I liked and that liked me.  I wanted to enjoy the conversation leading up to and after and I wanted to have humor and passion, connection, longing, lust, friction, concern, and sincerity in my sex.  It was just more fulfilling on more levels.  I became monogamous and settled down so I could really connect and more reliably get that.  Going back to random couplings just didn’t interest me enough to actually act.  Hubby felt the same way.

We found out about polyamory, had 47,000,000 conversations, and took the plunge.  To us, polyamory is opening ourselves to the possibility of first kisses and NRE (hopefully controlled- more about this later), learning about new people and new parts of ourselves, sexual variety and exploration, caring and friendship and love with wonderful people without any disrespect or harm to those we already love.  We’ve been dating about a month now, and it feels like more.  I’ve been researching and talking and reading, and now blogging, and it feels like coming home.  It feels like this is who I am and I’m finally allowed to be that.  I’m not an asshole for wanting.  I’m not awful for sometimes having a hard time closing down a whole aspect of my sexuality (I’m bisexual).  I take joy in my partners joy, most of the time, and he in mine.  I want him to be loved and love and to have great sex.  I want him to be free and to share that freedom with me.  We talk like never before and it has been a renaissance to our own relationship.  I feel closer.  He knows me.. really knows me.  He always has, but now he knows even those secret little parts of me, and he loves me.  It’s really hard to explain the joy of loving someone so much you want absolutely everything wonderful and good for them and to have them know every damn thing about you and love you so fiercely.  It’s not easy, at all.  It downright blows sometimes, the work I have to do on myself and on my relationships and communication, but it is right for me and mine.  That’s polyamory to me.  I reserve the right to change that and grow that and learn more, and that’s polyamory to me too.