Simmer

You have me on a boil.  You have my mind racing with deep dark luscious thoughts.  I want to taste your skin with my lips barely brushing you and giving you goose flesh.  I want your salt on my tongue.  I want your hair slipping in my grasp and your name on my breath.  I want to know the color of the flecks in your eyes and trace your jaw with my kisses.  I want your warmth and your scent.  I want your breath.  I want to taste all of you, every inch.

I want your every dip and valley and saddle at my fingertips and on my tongue.  I want to make you laugh with small delight and purr with my heat.  I want you to take in your breath sharply.  I want your muscles to coil to me.  I want you to relax into me, warm to my touch.  I want your thoughts to turn to a hum.  I want you to think in simple small words… yes.. oh.. please.. mmm.. yes.

I want to sync.  I want to roll with you and writhe.  I want you to have to use your arms and your cheek and your leg to slide over my skin because your hands aren’t enough.  And when you are melting, easing into my embrace, I want to sink my teeth into your flesh.  I want you to wonder if the heat you feel is your broken skin.

          I want your heart to speed.  

I want to pull your head back and I want to pause so you can feel the things I want to do to you there.  And I want you to turn over to me and to crave my will.  I want you to want to please me.  I want to make me want to make it hurt just enough to make your blood sing.  I want you to feel your body’s response and I want to make you flush and squirm and swell.  I want you to growl.  I want you to course.  I want you to hear and agree with what I don’t actually say.

Mine.

Mine.

Mine. 

Sharing

I love it when I hit a little jag and spiral on a sexy interest.  It fascinates and excites me.

I’m still having fun chatting with people from Craigslist, even if I met a couple people that were totally not a good fit, one that totally was a great fit and that never contacted me again, and one that I had the fun night with.  But an old desire might be eclipsing my little jaunt into the world of rare and fun casual sex with dudes from Craigslist.

It’s women.  More specifically it’s women to share.

The Book of Love

I’m just gushing on about love.

I’m so in love with you that I wish there were songs for us.  I wish there were words for this.

I think of you and I feel warm... I smile all the time.  I love the timbre of your voice, the exact sound of you.  I love to make you teach me things to listen to your voice‘s honey.  And the way your skin feels on my lips and my fingertips, it’s magic.  I want you.  I want everything about you.  I want you in so many ways.. carnally, sweetly, gently, warmly, softly, but mostly I just want you. 

Lust and Marriage

flyer for Lust and Marriage by Dance Naked Productions

I went to a play last night in Seattle, at the Theatre off of Jackson.  It was called “Lust and Marriage”.  If you can, you must run to this play.  It was phenominal!  It is showing there tonight, and tomorrow and then Thursday, Friday and Saturday of next weekend too.  It is put on by Dance Naked Productions, by Eleanor O’Brien.  June 14th is the last day.

Eleanor, I hope I can call her that after she kinda bared her sex and love and relationship soul out there, put on an amazing performance.  I laughed sooo much, and I cried too a little.  It was the story of lust, desire, sex, relationships, dating, hope, heartache, jealousy, acceptance, commitment, open relationships, polyamory, freedom and love.  And it was fucking RIVETING.

It was 90 minutes long with no break and it felt like 20.  It felt like she was telling my story.  It felt like she was telling everyone’s story.  There’s this magic that happens when someone is being so real that it just sparks on the real in others.  Our heart knows when something came from the heart.  So it was like that, so close to the bone.  It was hard to watch in parts because of this.  I knew and related to some really hard things.  But it was good too.  It was sort of wonderful to feel all of that gamut of stuff about love and sex and connection.  I laughed so much and only had that one spot to cry in, and while painful, that was good too.  She spun this kinda spell that good performances spin, and I was utterly enthralled.  So much to think about.

I say this with brutal honesty… if you are near Seattle at all, you need to run to this show.

I like It Like That

I have to tell you that I want you.  I feel my hunger growing.  I’m surprised to find myself coming alive again, and feeling my want uncurling like tendrils of a growing fern.  Even as I’m scared I feel this little… bitty.. stir. 

I don’t know if everything is really different or if anything really changed, but I feel different.  Knowing what I know, I feel like everything is different.  I feel different about me.  I feel different about my situation and I wonder exactly how different I’ll actually be.  I feel like I did after my motorcycle accident.  I was told I was clear to ride and it had been six weeks and I wanted to get back in that saddle and I wanted to feel the wind again, but I was scared of what might happen.  It was different to me.  I knew now in a much more real way my own mortality and fragility.  But I do things I’m afraid of because I’m afraid of them. 

I’m not afraid of you.  I’m not afraid of what we are together because I know that’s good.  I’m actually afraid you won’t want me now.  I feel marked or something, like you’d find me in the scratch and dent.  I’m not like everyone else now.  I’m afraid you’ll be afraid of me.  People are afraid of people like me now. 

I’m afraid that I’ll stroke the side of your face and that I’ll kiss you in the slow calling way I kiss you when I want you, and you’ll recoil.  I’m afraid I’ll run my hands on your spine and pull you against me and your breath won’t catch and you won’t make that sound you make when I kiss the little depression by where your neck meets your body.  I’m afraid your skin will still taste like you and smell like you and I’ll get carried away by my want of you, like I do, and you’ll be stone.  Will you be able to close your eyes and tilt your head back and sigh?  Will my magic fingers work their spells anymore?  Or will you be saying over and over in your mind that I’m different now.  You can’t see it or smell it or taste it or touch it and you would hardly know it’s there.. but I found out and I told you, so can you see me past it? 

Whatever it is about me that calls to you and gives me the same power over you that you have over me, will it still be there?  Will I be red hair and green eyes and pale pale skin?  Will I be kisses and touches and breath?  Will I be chemistry and love, passion and desire?  Or am I something else to you now?  Am I still the woman you want?  Am I the woman that you love?  Am I still me, to you?

I want you. 

I want everything I have with you.

I want you to kiss me and I want to feel the way your body reacts to that.  I want all of your kisses, the small and light and hard and long.  I want the taste of you on my tongue.  I want us to exchange breath like we do, intense.  I want your eyes and the way they pinpoint me and catch me in your gaze.  I love how you can delight me with your loving gaze and thrill me with the way you study me and watch me react to you.  I love your glee when you make me shudder. I love your mirth when I gasp and say so low.. “oh god.  oh god.. yes”.  I know you love the way I respond to your touch, to the things you say and to your naughty ideas.  I love all the kinds of sex I have with you, but right now I’m craving the one that touches everywhere. It’s mental, emotional, physical, spiritual.  Fuck it if that sounds too woo-woo. 

I love everything about that sex… the touching the taste smell heart mind sweat soul body need want love ache love friction. I love barely touching, electrons dancing in my touch.  I love that I can’t stop kissing you and that you say my name and tell me you love me over and over and over.  I love you on my tongue and my hands and my mind.  I love that very first moment when you enter me and I feel you slllllllllide home as I open to you. Already I am so very wet.  I love it when you tell me you can feel how wet I am.  I love it when you say I’m so warm.  I love you hitting bottom and pushing just  a  little  bit  more.  Ohhhh. 

I grind against you, loving the little ache and wanting more more more.  It’s passion and connection, moving with you, gaining momentum and power.  I am in your eyes and you are in mine.  We are there in that moment, not thinking.  We are breathing and want.  We are writhing, shivering, taking the sharpest little intakes of breath and breathing deeply too, slowly, so slowly.  You lips, your face, your tongue, your fingers, your cock, your hands.. oh god.  I want everything about you.  I revel in everything you do.  I love the way you touch me.  I love the way you fuck me.  I never never want to stop.  I want to move like this for hours, till we fall on the bed in a pool of sweat and satiety.  I want to not know if that is my sweat or yours.  I want my heart as full of you as my pussy.  I want to bathe you in my sex and I want to leave you smelling of me.  I want you to call forth the flood and I want to flow over you.  I want to feel you too.  I want you to come inside me and not leave.  I want to dance my fingers on your skin as I feel you shrink inside me.  I want to feel your cum leaking out of where we are joined.  I want to hold you tight against me as we return to earth and things other than us come into focus. 
I want you.  I want you as I’ve always wanted you.  More.  I want everything about you and I want you to want me too.  Please tell me that hasn’t changed.  Please touch me.  Come closer.  I need to see in your eyes that I’m still me to you.  I need to see that you want me.  I need you to tell me and I need you to show me.  I want you.  I have to tell you that I want you and that hunger is back.. and it’s growing.

Black and Blue

**I thought this posted yesterday, but it actually saved as a draft, so today will be a two-fer.  Just a heads up too.. skip if graphic talk of sex and kink with Boss would be unwelcome.  Thanks!**

First a few little housekeeping details… I saw Rollergirl last night for the Roller Derby meet and we had a nice visit.  She and my ex Hubby have broken up.  I knew this was coming.  They have both told me they wanted to break up with the other for weeks now.  They like and care about each other and there were lots of good things, but there was lots of bad too on both sides and their being together was just really unhealthy.  They had reasons that were more about now and reasons that were more about incompatibility, but I still think it was hard.  I thought it would take longer than it did. I feel the tiniest bit vindicated somehow, but I really do feel bad for both of them.  I think it’s healthy and they both seem to think it’s healthy too that they broke up, but endings aren’t fun and despite it all I still love them and therefore don’t wish them to be unhappy.  Hubby and I divorcing, RollerGirl and I broken up, and Hubby and Rollergirl finally breaking up with each other is a sucky end.   It is what it is.  I hope some day he’ll be better.  I hope RollerGirl and I are too.  There are lots of good things I miss about him as a person, and it’d be nice to be friends.  You never know.  Someday…

But on to better things.  I went to the black and blue party last night with Boss.  It was a bunch of firsts for me.

I’ve never been to the black and blue party, though I have wanted to go.  I love impact play.  By impact play I mean being spanked and flogged and hit with things.  We met beforehand at this amazing little neighborhood place called Essex.  They have ridiculously good drinks and make a bunch of stuff there themselves.  So after a quick drink and some delicious cauliflower toasts we hit the club.

When we arrived people were already playing and there was some nice grindy blues on the sound system.  We greeted friends and got situated in the center of the play space.  I was excited and nervous.  I’ve been to a lot of events and had a few dabblings, but this was my first time playing playing with Boss and my first time really playing at the club.  Boss opened his bag and explored things with me, and it was my first time with some of that stuff too.

He had a few single tale whips, which excited and scared me.  I like the idea of some delicious pain, but I didn’t know if I was ready for straight up whipping.. turns out I needn’t have worried.  He had canes and a loop fabric thing with a handle and metal shot filling, and paint stir-sticks and gags.  He had me ask for what I wanted, which I was slightly ready for since he’d told me he would.  I wanted all of it, except maybe the gags, and I managed to pick a few things.  It’s uncomfortable to ask for what I want.  I have this especially with kink, where I feel like I’m asking him to do a lot of work to please me and I’m not totally clear that it’s not a selfish wish of mine.  I have the same difficulty asking people to eat my pussy or give me a back rub or whatever.  I don’t want to ask him to do something he doesn’t want to do.

We got set up and he said “take off whatever you are comfortable taking off”.  Oh man.  I asked him to kiss me.  He did.. a little… and said I’d get more when I took more off.  Oi Vey.  I took off my pants.. kiss kiss.  I took off my shirt.. kiss kiss kiss.  And he pulled me to him and kissed me deeply and pushed himself against me as he unhooked and removed my bra.  Sizzle. 

We began to play, so slowly and lightly at first.  We kissed here and there and had intense eye contact as he lightly cropped me.. here and there.. dancing on my skin.. warming.  We started with me facing him, facing out into the room, and I was very cognizant of the people watching and of my nakedness at first.  It was a delicious fear.  It excited me to be watched, to watch him, to gauge his facial expressions and briefly flick my attention to the crowd here and there until the sensations increased and I forgot they were present.  My body warmed and my skin sang and I got wetter and wetter as he teased me and tantalized me and built…so.. very… slowly.

He surprised me too in these little fits, when he pressed himself against me, kissed me, and when we let me reach and stroke his cock.  He smiled and gave me a sort of low laugh as I squeezed him, pleased.  He kept it fairly light, since it was our first time together and I’m still so new, but he left me some excellent reminders.  I’m guessing he’s working up.  It’s a good plan.

I’m a little sore, and I’m bruised fairly well on my breasts and thighs from the cane, but I like it.  It’s a little delicacy to have flashes back to last night.  His hands, him grinding against me, the thud and sting and snap, and his taste come to me in little bursts.  I like to be reminded of the lick of his whip and of grasping the bed with my white knuckles while I flooded, and the pounding grinding aching delight of the back room.  I like the smile I get thinking of making him tingle with my fingertips on his skin and of the warmth of wrapping myself around him after, not wanting to let go and not feeling like I had to.

Cleveland asked me already how last night went because he was so compersive and felt such joy at the idea of me having naughty fun.  It’s a rare treat to get to enjoy his pleasure at my pleasure.  I think I’m starting to believe he really isn’t going to be mean or spiteful or accusatory.  I’m starting to get that he really might be okay, and that if he ever isn’t, maybe he’ll talk to me about it like a human being and we’ll work it out.

I don’t know what Traveler will say about the marks.  We have a date tonight.  He surprises me all the time, but he’s usually so supportive of the exploits of me and his wife and Peaches.  A few times when I’ve had a bruise here or there he’s guessed its origin, smiled, and said something like “very nice” before he fucked me silly.  I don’t know if it’s just that he knows how I feel about him and how he rocks me and therefore he doesn’t have cause for insecurity or that he’s just so happy with what makes the women he is with happy that it doesn’t matter, or maybe even just that he’s used to how well things run so well with him and his wife, but generally I feel like he’s in my corner and he celebrates whatever my successes are.  If he shocks me and needs reassurance or love or whatever I’ll give it gladly.

Ah, but it’s time to get ready.  Time to go shower and enjoy the view of my delicious reminders.  🙂

Quinky Girl Understands "Too Much"

I read this post by Quinky Girl at Blogspot.  It’s called The Mystery of Medusa.  Holy shit.  Holy Shit. 

I said to her:

“Holy shit.  Printing.  I can’t believe someone said it.  I can’t believe someone gets “too much” and all the layers of it.  I simply can’t explain too much.  I get twisted and don’t have the words and it comes out weaker and stronger than I mean it and with all the wrong emphasis.  You’re right that the particulars are different, but that the feelings are similar.  I saw my thoughts and feelings in so much of what you wrote.  It’s been a year of coming to terms with “too much” again.  I thought this was one I had licked.  I grew so much with it and at first I was exhausted to find myself here again, but I see it’s a journey with me.  I’m not in the same place, but I am on the same path or digging in the same vein or whatever.  I like the growth but I don’t always like the process.  I accept it, but it’s not comfortable.  That’s okay.  My life is not about being as comfortable as I can be.  Thank you for digging this up and posting it”.

Fugees – Killing Me Softly

I felt all flushed with fever, embarrassed by the crowd.
I felt he’d found my letters and read each one out loud.
I prayed that he would finish, but he just kept right on.

Strumming my pain with his fingers.
Singing my life with his words.
Killing me softly with his song.
Killing me softly with his song.
Telling my whole life with his words.
Killing me softly.

He sang as if he knew me in all my dark despair.
And then he looked right through me as if I wasn’t there.
But he was there, this stranger, singing clear and loud.

 

Confused? Yeah. I get that.

I was talking to Peaches about casual sex relationships, and she said she doesn’t like “feeling like the temp that never gets hired”.  Isn’t that a great metaphor?  It’s fun to have casual fun but a real bummer when all you meet is casual when you crave a little more.  I had to get her permission to use the quote.  It’s a good one, no?

Bosch- Garden of Earthly Delights

To be fair, neither one of us is remotely in that situation for real, but it does suck to feel that way and I know what she means.  We’re both in loving relationships with Traveler (and me with Cleveland) and she’s had her share of interest and just a couple of males who didn’t have the right interest for what she was seeking at the time.

I tried to explain how I want a very specific kind of casual when I want casual. 

Crazy Dream

Warning- This one is sexually graphic and about Traveler and Cleveland.

Monday night I had a steamy dream that I had a threesome with Traveler and Cleveland.  It was pretty damn graphic and pretty damn enticing.  I was embarrassed to wake up all wet and writhing.  The weird part about this is that I have never consciously fantasized about being with two men, and now that I dreamed it, I can’t stop thinking about it and wondering why I haven’t fantasized about it before.

Tatuaje- Ballet Nacional de Ecuador

In the dream we were all just so… beyond physical friction.  It was a deeper more emotional thing… my men doing this for me, loving how excited they were making me, taking pleasure in me and me in them, my loving how they were making me feel and how I made them feel, and me lost in them, utterly and completely owned by them.  God.  I’m getting excited just thinking about it.  I told Cleveland about the dream and got so turned on just telling him that I had the dream, not even sharing details, that I came rubbing against his leg and begged him to fuck me.  I watched his face, lost in his breath and my own desire, and had this kind of rolling orgasm that was like waves crashing again and again and again.  I absolutely soaked my bed.  I’m not even sure you can say I squirted.  I think you’d have to say I gushed.  I masturbated this morning while thinking of last night, and while thinking of that dream.  Good Lord.  What has gotten into me!?!?

I have talked to both of my loves about sexual exploration.  They are both open-minded but I think this one might be a tough sell.  Cleveland at least liked the fantasy and my reaction to it, and I think may even be willing to consider it.  Traveler is such a wild card.  Some things he seems interested in trying or will try.  Some things he seems willing to humor, liking how much I’m into them.  Some things just aren’t his bag, but he accepts those and doesn’t seem judgmental about them.  So I think it’s safe to at least tell him my fantasy.  It’s unclear to me how he’d react to me having this dream, much less expressing a real interest in it.  I think he would not be interested but he surprises me all the time.

In the dream and my fantasy it’s not a thing that happens between Cleveland and Traveler, beyond how comfortable they are together.  I have fantasies about being with two bi men, much like my favorite FFM threesomes, but I’ve never really fantasized about being the pivot in a MMF threesome.  That’s odd even to me.  I don’t know why I haven’t.  Maybe it’s my occasional self slut-shame.

The thing about this that is just sending me over the moon is the idea of this passion with two men THAT I LOVE.  I can’t imagine the joy of opening the way I do with them and the sensations of them together, the dizzying pleasure of Cleveland’s breath on my pussy with Traveler’s cock in my mouth.  I almost shake at the fantasy of being filled with these men in every way I can be filled by them.  I want to touch and suck and feel and smell and lick and taste and connect with every part of them.  I want everything that I am at that moment to be about them, with them, in them, there at their pleasure and they at mine.

Traveler’s skin and Cleveland’s mouth

their kisses

their taste

his smoothness and his soft fuzziness

my hands in his hair and him sliding his body against my ass

knowing by the feel that those are his hands

watching his face

aching and fulfilled

his smell.. his body reacting

lost with him

flooding

and him

feeling his motions and his caress

giving all of it to him

my mouth, my hands, my lips, my tongue, my eyes, my mind, my pussy, my ass, my thighs, my skin

wanting more of him

opening for him… oh… God.

Surprise and Yummy Plans

Hmm.. Cleveland surprised me a little.  Good times.

Yesterday Cleveland showed up to go to Trivia with me and Peaches and Traveler and his wife.  We had about 10 minutes till we had to get ready to go get Peaches’ and he totally surprised me.  I don’t know if he was less stressed or just feeling randy, but he was so close to making me blow off everyone and everything and stay home to fuck him.  He was a little of what I have been craving.

He pushed me on the bed, pulled my head back by my hair, and played with his hands on my throat.  He was forceful, powerful, and taking charge.  We made out and I was ridiculously turned on. He left a few little bruises on my breasts and my thighs.  I could not get enough.  We calmed down a little late but made it to trivia, amazingly, and I was wet all night with flashbacks to the early evening and his vicious teasing.

After Trivia, back at my place, we picked up again.  He was feeling a bit of lingering stress and we played around a bunch and I reveled in him.  We were passionate and aggressive and sweet and loving in turns.  Afterward I ran the idea of my sexy Canadian friend and her Hubby coming here to Seattle by him and asked if he’d like to meet them.  They are here next weekend.

I have no idea if anything would develop between the parties, but it could.  Canadianne and her Hubby are poly swingers, and they’re fucking cute as hell.  I figure we’ll just meet without pressure and expectation and see if anything can develop.  I’m just excited to meet them and have them meet my sweet Traveler and Cleveland in any capacity.

On the note of yummy plans, I have some.  I have to pick up a few small things, but I have some plans to play a little with an old part of my personality.  I’m not a Domme or a Top really, but I like to play with certain little things and was historically the aggressor in my sexual relationships.  I have a few things assembled and am looking forward to a date tonight with Traveler and a mini weekend with Cleveland.  I have plans to top each in their own way.  I’m upping my game.  Delicious.