The thrill of the chase

The thrill of the chase is only a thrill when it’s a little reciprocal. This comes up over and over again.

Men send out messages on dating sites by the dozen and get few replies, usually. You wonder if “they” will call. Does she want to hang out again? Is it too soon to ask him if he’d like to spend the night? You’re in love with them and hope they don’t just like you a bunch.

I joined a swinger club and it has a facebook group.  In the group a woman commented today that she doesn’t know if this is the experience of other single women, but she is tired of being “picked last”, and she doesn’t appreciate being someone’s booty call when some other date or the wife cancelled. She explained that she wants to sleep with people that want to sleep with her and it feels crummy to be choice number 4.

Fun Too.

Traveler and I have a lot of work we need to do on our projects but this weekend he wanted to take a little break from them.  I felt bad at first and hoped I hadn’t made him feel I wouldn’t want to help him with renovations and yard work and all the things we partners help each other with.  He’s been working so hard at work and at home and I know he needs the help.

He asked me to help with a list of things that I have some knowledge with, and told me he’s been struggling a little and stressed out about it.  This week he ended up having to put in an electrical repair that would have been a lot easier with help.  All the work is sort of dangling over his head and there’s just SO MUCH to do on the project at his house.  I know he hated to ask for my help and doesn’t like admitting that he needs it, but it made me feel good and loved and necessary, and I love being able to support him and Quinky on this project with all of the little things Traveler and I can work together on to contribute.

I can’t help with the really stressful stuff, the planning and the paying for it and the living in a reno zone, but I can make a really valuable contribution and help Traveler with the construction and labor and electric stuff and take a teeny bit of that burden off of his shoulders.  He would have to do a bunch of it alone otherwise, and there’s already soooo much on his plate.  and I love it.  I love working with him.  It’s a huge part of our relationship, this way we work together and us having our little projects.  I’m not happy Traveler has so much to worry about, but I am happy I can help.  So often it was him or Quinky helping me that it makes me feel better to give back.  And sometimes they spoil me with awesome food or whatever for the efforts.  Win/Win.

But, even with all of the things Traveler has to worry about on this project, today he just wanted to go and have fun.  We are headed to Woodinville to pick up his wine from a club and to try a few places, just for a few hours before an art meeting.  And then we have some frisky plans.  🙂  God I love frisky plans!  We had hoped to meet a new unicorn for a drink, but it didn’t pan out.  Sadly Yarn Hooker met a great guy and is getting monogamous.  We’re thrilled to death for her and nobody deserves it more though.

So next weekend we really really really have to do some work.  We got derailed last week and we are missing this week.  But tonight it’s just us and our little plans and designs for fun and friskiness.  And then there are fun plans in the morning too.  I love working with Traveler and will happily do it for all the weekends to come, but it’s nice to just kick up our heels, even with the crushing list of things to do and even with his project falling a little behind waiting on us.  When your man says he needs a break and wants to do fun and naughty things with you, who isn’t a little giddy?  To be wanted and needed and loved…To have a partnership that really supports each other…And to have the man you love tell you he just needs to be with you and wants to have a little fun!? …Fabulous!

Slaughtering the Goat

from blogs.discovermagazine.com

I had plans to have hot sexy times today with the new guy, Diesel.  He got back from Alaska early and asked if I could meet up Wednesday.  I actually could have, but I had just started my period that day.  I love period sex.  Don’t get me wrong.  But.. this would be like the 3rd time we’ve slept together and the first day of my period.

Girls, is it just me or is that the worst time?

I like period sex actually and know many women who do.  I’m more sensitive at that time and everything feels so much more.. more.  BUT… I also squirt and occasionally gush when I cum.  And Diesel makes me GUSH.  It’s a little insane.  I drink glasses and glasses of water during our sessions so far and I gush oodles and oodles of times.  He seems to like marathon sessions.  (which I love.  I love great one-timers too).  

Bookends

I started out this morning happy and languid and in love.  I snuggled further into his arms and kissed his neck and his chest and ran my hands on his skin, earning the soft groan I love.  He was sleepy and I wasn’t awake yet either, and he was so warm and snuggly.  I ran my hands over his back, his bottom, his legs, petting his soft skin.  I touched him lightly and massaged him and he kissed me and pulled me tighter to him, petted my back, dozed.  After a long time petting we checked the clock.

Mmm.. there is time for eggs, love.  Or there is time for.. hmmmm.  I ran my hands over his naked body and cocked my pelvis against him.  He laughed with a little delight and pretended to think about it as I rolled him to his back and slid down his body.  We took our time.

Then tonight I met a man I’d met on OK Cupid.  He was pretty cute, but I’d like our conversation more and was happy that seemed the same in person.  

Alright already

One of the things I have tried to do here is being unflinchingly honest.  I try to tell the truth, maybe ESPECIALLY, about the things that I feel might make me look bad.  I accidentally found this to be a part of my niche in writing a blog.  So here goes.

I’m lonely once in a while.  It’s hard to be here sometimes and I don’t like it.  The price of loving someone who loves someone else is that they need to spend time with them.  Traveler and Quinky Girl need nights together.  Duh.  Generally this is awesome. I like some alone time in my week.  I can count on one hand the times Traveler and I have spent more than 3 nights a week together, and I can tell you each one was bliss.

But this is a thing us single poly’s can have that our married and cohabitating partners don’t.  I didn’t understand this when I was married and I don’t think a lot of partnered poly’s do.  Not really.

One Legged Man- Ass Kicking

colors are loaded into a palm of a hand for Holi

Holy fuck-balls people.  I overbooked myself.  My loves are overbooked.  My calendar looks like a sidewalk after an Indian Holi celebration (where they throw all the colors).  Traveler and I haven’t had a regular weekend date in a month.  And I’m not even getting the short end of the stick!  He and Quinky Girl are in a similar boat for the most part.

But seriously.  We haven’t had anything like dinner, an evening, and breakfast in a month.  We spent some time together on Sunday and it was the first day we’ve had in a long long time where we were just together, and even that we spent it working.  It was so fucking nice just to sit on a couch with him.

We’re seeing each other, sometimes 3 days a week.  But it’s including a lot of parties, Burning Man events, yard work, potlucks, group things and all-together-get-togethers.  If we didn’t all eat breakfast together sometimes neither Quinky or I would eat a breakfast with him each week.  Often we are cramming a bagel in our mouths as we hit the road.  It’s crazy.  

Yarn Hooker

Traveler and I met up again with the sexy and smart girl we’d met once for drinks, and this one.. this one contains sexy times.

We sent a follow-up email earlier that we’d loved meeting her and we’d like to ply her with some ping pong and take her home to play.  And she answered that she’d really like that too.

So we met for drinks, laughed a lot over ping pong, and took a trip back to his place.

When she sent the message that she was interested I’d nearly fallen over in glee.  Holy crap.  This girl is AWESOME.  Thank you Universe!  Thank  you Stars!  Oh holy dear world, yes.

So we met and it was fun and fairly easy.  There were awkward bits because it IS awkward to date as three people.  There was a little awkwardness trying to break the physical barrier to get to touch her.  But I did as I do and finally just said “Can I kiss you?”.  I like to do the direct awkward thing sometimes and hope it comes off as charming.

Ageless

Alyson Hannigan.. yum.

God, help me.  I am just as bad as every lecherous guy I dated when I was a young woman.  I’m just as bad as my father.  I’m just as bad as every Camaro-driving balding middle-aged man with every young and beautiful waitress.  I am the idiot who feels special because a young woman thinks I still got it.

I was 18 years old when she was born. I can feel how red my face is right now, but I don’t care.  There’s something about her I like, even past the fact that she’s foxy.

She’s sexy.  She has a pretty fair resemblance to Alyson Hannigan from Buffy.  She has those sleepy sexy eyes and that cutely quirky smile and the red hair too. She’s got a lovely hourglass figure and soft alabaster skin.  She likes technical manuals and nerdy things and she’s interested in learning more about polyamory and in playing with couples and exploring.  She likes being teased.  She likes trying things like fancy Mezcal.  She has a naughty smile.  She thought we were cute too.  She knows how old we are.  She likes it.  She doesn’t have a lot of experience and she’d like more.  She likes my ideas…I do have rather fun ideas.
I’d rather love to help her explore.

Oh God.  I’d love to help her explore.

Please please please universe?

So I have to admit I’d want this girl even if it were just physical.  But there is something kinda great there, a certain humor and an intellectual curiosity that I find highly appealing.  Most every person who ever tried to justify robbing the cradle has said it, but it’s true.  She’s kinda timeless.

It’s odd but I relate to that.  I was always that old soul, that 11 year old with the 15 year old friends.  I spent my young adulthood generally with people of all sorts of ages.  I’ve had friends from 14-74.  This girl does too.  When she talks about her friend who is 63 and from Sri Lanka I totally see a bit of myself in that.

But yeah.. kinda red-faced.

She’s 23.

Adieu

Traveler is about to travel a lot again for a while.  Dammit.  Over the next few months he’s gone during the week more than he is home.  Eh.  It is what it is.  I used to be a Navy wife.  It’s been a while but I got this.

Having said all of that… I’m spoiled.  I’m used to seeing him a few nights a week. So I’m soaking it all up now.  And this coming weekend we are off to a ski vacation together.  It’s 4 days and one really sweet mountain, a condo with a private hot-tub on a river, a snuggly fireplace, walking distance to cocktails and a well stocked kitchen to cook in together.  AND, I’m finally meeting a sexy blogger friend.  I’m not gonna lie people.  I have no expectations and no assumptions, but I have hope.

A backlit couple kiss underwater in the deep

I. am. stoked.

And Traveler sent himself off this week with a date to tide me over.

Talk about Sex? Who'd a Thunk It?

Movie title for Young Visiters from http://ia.media-imdb.com

One of the nice things about living openly is that my old friend coming into town means I get to have fun introducing him to the people in my life without worry.  All of them have asked me “Is it okay to talk freely?”, “Are there things.. ahem.. he shouldn’t know?”.  Nope.  I had to laugh too because people have asked if he’d delicate, or if he’d judge them because they were going through something, or if they should “behave around him”.  Heh.

The idea that I’d be close friends with someone for 13 years and they’d be delicate or easily offended makes me laugh.

Ph.D, my friend, visited from Colorado.  He came to this academic conference and to see me and have a good time.  He is not, in fact, delicate nor easily offended.  And I told everyone when they asked to speak freely.  I’m not sure what would shock or offend my dear Ph.D, but I’m quite sure my friends and loves would have to struggle mightily to find it.  On the flip side, he asked and I let him know that he could talk to my loves and my friends about anything.  Hell, a few people at my work know a little bit about my life and if others found out I’d be relieved.  When I began my job 5 years ago I was a very happily married monogamous woman.

We opened up, and a couple of years later broke up (not directly related) and it’s hard to figure out how to say “by the way I’m in love with a man I’ve been dating almost 2 years, some of which was when I was married to my husband”.  Well.. actually that kinda answers that.  You say something like that I guess.  Or maybe you just leave off the dates.  Maybe you just say you’re in an open relationship with these two guys and it’s working.  I’m going to do exactly that eventually.  When we talk about what we all did on the weekend, or plans, I mention that I did this with a man I’m dating.  I know they assume I’m either not dating these men very seriously, or that the more relationship stuff is all the same man.  Whatever.  If I ever have good reason I’m fine with outing myself at work.  I sort of think (like a friend says) that poly people have a responsibility to out themselves in casual situations.  I think this is how acceptance starts, with familiarity.

Earnest looking character from “The Young Visiters” (yes spelled that way) from http://www.movie-roulette.com

So, yep.. good visit with Ph.D.  I was going to write a much longer and more in depth post about this, but well.. I’m not.  The visit was wonderful.  I loved having my friend here and loved some time with him.  Oh?  You hear a but?  Yeah.  There is a but.