I just dropped Traveler and Quinky Girl off at the airport for their yearly trek to Traveler’s family. It was nice to be able to see them off and kiss their faces and wish them a great trip. I cried a LOT less this morning than previous Christmas Eve’s. It’s only taken me a couple of years, but I think I might have a good plan for this holiday.
I need to be proactive.
We are officially not in the land of new relationships and it’s complicated sometimes. Sometimes we do it very well and sometimes we fumble a bit and work to figure it out. Traveler and I had a little fritzy-bit, nothing huge, but just a thing between the two of us and something we worked out. And then another totally unrelated one a little after. It seems simple at first, but it’s actually not. I just wanna share how sometimes the answer isn’t a simple thing with one person right and one person wrong.
I was a little nervous about some new social engagements and Traveler very sweetly said he’d go to a couple of the things with me, one of which was Monday and one of which was coming up next weekend. Then when we were planning our week this week he remembered and said that he’d come with me and said he’d like to come stay the night with me after. I reminded him that Quinky Girl would be going too, and that was awesome. We’d all go and he and he and I would come home together after. Cool. I have to admit it’s nice to get to get the one he comes home with after a nice night where we all hung out. It’s not a date but just a normal night and I get to have that too. Kinda awesome and rad that such things aren’t just the domain of Traveler’s one partner.
That morning he asked me to pick up something for him for the potluck when I ran to the store. He said to run it by Quinky to be sure we didn’t mess up whatever her plan was. Excellent. Good idea. But I forgot to run it by her until the last minute and she was rushing out to get her things done and wasn’t able to coordinate with me. She thought we’d all just all do our own thing but she didn’t know because I’d fucked up and not told her that Traveler had asked me to get stuff for him. She and Traveler had worked out something after Traveler and I working out our thing that morning, but I didn’t know what.
Had she just told him what she was bringing and he still expected me to pick up what he’d asked me to, or had he talked about what he’d asked me to pick up and she was getting it now? Or were they just doing something different?. She was driving and couldn’t answer. I was at the store and needed to make a decision. Do I buy the stuff he thought he might want me to get but wasnt sure about or not? I asked him. He was at work and didn’t answer. Shit. I waited and the store and tried a little more but wasn’t able to reach anyone. Okay.. no big deal. I’d just buy what he’d asked me to and if we had too much or the wrong thing it’s not a big deal. Shrug.
Then he pops up and we make a plan. He’ll be at my house by 645 to drop off his car and we’ll go back to his house to get Quinky since her dish would take a little more time. Great. I ran home and heated my meatballs fast. I get ready super fast and end up waiting. Around the time he’s supposed to be at my house he pops up again and says that Quinky’s dish is baking but will take a little longer and they’ll be ready at 730. Um. Okay. I ask “are you not coming here to drop off your car anymore?” No answer. Does he need to watch the oven?
He could still come here to drop off his car since the mushrooms will need almost an hour. It’s 6:39 and he’s saying they’ll be done around 7:30. I ask if he and Quinky are caravanning here then on the way to the potluck because he said he’d take the bridge and I live by it. Are they dropping off his car later? No answer. I’m a little annoyed. What happened to our plan? Why is he not telling me anything? I guess the plan changed.
I sat there waiting some more.
Two people made out of boxes engage in a tug of war. From http://www.heritageradiott.com
Traveler said all the things.
We have a sexy gal prospect we’ve been talking to and that we’d see separately and together. It’s a situation that freaks me out a little less than other situations with Traveler dating again, and that’s a little nice. I’m dealing with stuff that’s coming up in a smaller and less scary way. Part of it is that I’m talking to her too and that it would be a thing we’d share. Part of it is that she’s a very busy professional who is very much against dating seriously, and that makes it less scary for me. And part of it is I don’t think she’s a good match in a broader sense. It’s a lot easier for me to imagine him having excellent sex and everything being okay. Him having more excellent sex is actually kinda hot. I wish for him ALL of the excellent sex.
And the unicorn hunted us.
Girls Laughing Together Intimately found at https://www.threedollarbillcinema.org
I had that recent realization that I have to stop living in fear about my loves. I remember telling a friend not too long ago, “I’m so happy I’m terrified”. Ever get like that? The thing is that I see silver linings all over the place and I’m a optimistic person, but.. but I’m often waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I don’t like admitting this about myself. It’s not a thing I’m proud of. But I’m betting I’m not the only one that does this and it’s a happiness and love killer. I’m not saying that keeping your feet under you is a bad thing in adventures and love. I’m not saying that heads in the clouds are bad. I actually like these two things together. I am saying that keeping my one foot out the door (just in case!) is a thing that makes me unhappy and hurts my relationships. I’ve been feeding my insecurity.
Standing on the ground in red shoes
This makes me think of something the character Rob said in High Fidelity-
Rob: “I can see now I never really committed to Laura. I always had one foot out the door, and that prevented me from doing a lot of things, like thinking about my future and… I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing. And that’s suicide. By tiny, tiny increments”. Continue reading
One of the things I really love about polyamory is the freedom to be surrounded by love and to surround those I love with love. It’s been a stressful week in the SeattlePolyChick Murder. We’ve all been working too much and had a lot on our plates. One recent work day was 13 hours long. So recent dates have included nice de-stressing walks, dinners, much petting, some computer help, a lovely wine tasting, yummy sex, a lot of WoW (world of warcraft) and general getting and giving of love and support. These busy times that we live in take a toll, and it’s a beautiful thing to have such outlets for love and such love surrounding me.
My computer runs a lot smoother because Cleveland took time out of his life to voluntarily reinstall my operating system. My pantry is full of enough wine for the next 6 months because Cleveland and his Wife and I hit wine country on a beautiful Saturday. It was so nice to just relax and laugh and enjoy the sun with them. And last night, the night before my first big event, I got some Quinky Girl and some Traveler.
Quinky Girl felt like cooking and invited Traveler and I to have her delicious food and some time with her before Traveler and I had a little date. Um.. yes please. I needed Quinky Girl time. Hugs and wine, and a delicious sauce of white peaches and mangos and cherries on grilled pork with seasoned wild rice, and a spinach salad with a warm feta dressing… mmmmmmmmm. I walked up to kisses from Traveler and hugs from Quinky Girl and a glass of lovely white wine. I put everything down and put on my hideous pajama pants (it had been that kind of day). So we ate and relaxed with game 7 of the Stanley Cup, and I felt the stress dripping off of and freeing me with every delicious bite. I so enjoyed the lovely snuggles too. We kissed her goodbye afterward and told her how pretty she was and lovely she smelled as she ran off to her date and we kept being the giant nerds we are and played WoW with lots of kiss and snuggle breaks.
Touch really soothes me and Traveler gives that to me in spades. I feel my battery charge. He is so loving and affectionate and good to me. We got up from our computers to enjoy a beautiful sunset on his porch after he’d spotted it accidentally while letting the cat out. We held each other and just stood there taking it in. I thought about my Dad, and the letter I found in his stuff after he died. He’d written it to me and never sent it. It was about all of his plans as he readied for retirement. He’d died 3 weeks after he’d retired. He reminisced a bit in the letter and talked about his plans, and closed talking about the sunset and how he planned to watch more of them. He’d always been a fan. He said he was going to make time for more sunsets because he loved how beautiful and different they were, a new one every day.
I was thinking about that, my father’s words, when Traveler squeezed me a little tighter and said “I love you so much”. I kissed him and touched his face and his beautiful sandy hair and told him I loved him too. I snuggled in under his chin, my head returned to the sunset.
Bliss.
I woke up this morning feeling loved, happy, sated, and warm. Everything feels relaxed. What a nice way to go into one of the 2 most stressful days each year at my job. I joked that I should try to reserve him for the day before my big big event, but honestly I think I’m going to ask him for a date then. I feel terrific. It’s not a bad way to go into a potentially tough day.
I’m sorry to gush on and on. I just can’t help it. I’m really happy and I just feel so good. Touch someone you love and tell them that you love them for no reason at all. Give just one extra kiss today. Surround yourself and those you love with love. Eat feta and snuggle, just maybe not at the same time. 🙂
Every once in a while as I leave work, I get the distinct feeling that I’m escaping. Today the sun is out and it’s raining. Kinda perfect actually.
Things have been really busy lately, but good. I am not so eagerly bidding Traveler and Quinky Girl an adieu as they head on a trip to see family.
I am finally seeing a movie I really wanted to see and was asking Traveler to go to. He kept saying yes and then things just kept making it not happen. I jokingly asked him if he was afraid to be seen with me in public. :-). It’s that movie “Her”. It’s at the Sundance theater and I’m hitting it with Boss. We’re both a little broke so we’re going elsewhere first for happy hour cheap vittles.
Tomorrow I am doing nothing and I’m kinda excited about it. I keep saying I’ll paint more on this latest piece, and I think I’ll make my favorite salad and do that. I’m the kind of person who loves and craves being around people, but then I need days here and there to just be by myself. A lot of people seem to need either lots of social interaction to recharge their batteries or time alone to recharge their batteries. I seem to need both.
Having said all that though, I miss Traveler and Quinky Girl already. I’m glad that Peaches is watching the cats, and has asked me to fill in one of the days. It will be nice to be around their fur babies and their space. I will TRY not to do anything too horrible. Muahahahaha.
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I havne’t posted for a few days and I wanted to just do a quick catch-up maybe on The Murder (our little poly family).
Let’s start with… Peaches. Peaches and her beau are doing well, and have been having sexy fun times now for about 4 months. They aren’t rushing anything or working to label much, but they “like where they are and where they are going”, and it shows. It’s fun to watch them interact. It’s nice when two people so clearly like each other and have that kind of chemistry. Peaches and Traveler are also doing really well. They had a series of talks and some growth and have made some changes and found a new equilibrium that seems to work well for both of them. I’m rather relieved. I like to see them both happy and on the same page. Continue reading
snuggly otters from dailymail.com
I’ve been doing some thinking about what it means to have a special relationship with my metamour, and trying to parse out how to do it right. Some of the surface stuff is relatively easy and there is lots of info online, but some of this I’m figuring out. There aren’t a lot of models on how to do it right. Quinky Girl wrote an excellent blog about some of her thoughts and it’s here. I can’t, won’t, and am not in ANY way speaking for her. If you want her take on things I’d suggest you visit her blog and/or ask her. 🙂 I am asking myself a lot of questions and trying on some answers to see what I think, and I thought it might be useful stuff to others navigating relationships with your lover’s others, so I’m sharing my take so far on a few of those questions.
One of the potential sticky bits is what you should share with each other about your shared partner. I could go all medieval and say “we ain’t saying shit about them”, but I’m not sure that would be my preferred method. I mean, I’d RESPECT that and it’s anyone’s right to ask for that… but I’d LIKE not to lose the good with the challenging. Flamingfoxtale at Emotional Mutation wrote a blog post about ending metamour relationships and “just being friends”. There was a lot I related to. There is a line I especially felt. I too want to collaborate in love. And letting go of this special relationship would be a huge loss. Swearing off of frank talk altogether would be a shame to me. Continue reading
When I fall for someone at first I can be really awkward. It’s a thing that has happened the few times I’ve fallen. I’ve thought about this a lot, of course. Yes, part of it is that I have a fear backlash that kinda occurs. I love them and want them and am excited and happy and this thing rises up in me that is hyper sensitive and strange and worried and scared.. “oh god.. what are you doing!?!?? You trust this person and love them and want them and think they love you… eeeek… oh man, you are probably wrong. You are an idiot. Look for signs and react like a weirdo to things.. yes.. that will help and will keep you safe!”
scrabble tiles saying I love you at: http://media1.santabanta.com/full1/Emotions/Love/love-249a.jpg
image of a fortune cooking saying “mind your own business” found at- http://freeisbeautiful.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/MYOB-Cookie.jpg
I have to start this out by saying, my metamours (partners partners) DO NOT SUCK. This post is more of a general post. I’ll admit that I’ve had these conversations with my metas and with my partners and others and I’ll admit that from time to time I’ve seen some of this stuff. Sometimes, much to our consternation, our partners are gonna pick people that we wouldn’t pick.
Recently I met a guy online that worked for a while with one of my partners. I told my partner I’d met this guy online and he said only “Oh. That’s cool. Maybe meet him in person before you make any decisions”. It turns out this guy was maybe a little bit nutty. Afterwards I asked my partner why he didn’t warn me. He said that he didn’t want to meddle and he had no way of knowing how this guy conducted relationships, of course. He said he didn’t want to appear protective or to influence me into not dating someone if I liked them.
We try to not meddle in each others relationships. Beyond matters of safety, it’s honestly none of my business. I choose for myself how involved I am with the people my partner is dating. Some of them I have become absolutely loving with and some I see now and then. I haven’t always liked everyone that dated everyone I dated and I likely won’t. What matters in who my partner dates is who THEY want. Now, clearly if my partner has issues with partner selection and maturity, that’s gonna be an issue eventually. But it will be an issue between my love and I, not between me and who they date. Take for example dudes that seek out youngin’s all the time.
classic black and white image of a well dressed man saying “chill out slut” found at http://www.funnyjunk.com
I am 39 years old, almost 40. I don’t date 20 year olds because they are simply too young for me. It’s a maturity thing. Continue reading
openloveandsex.com 
